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Habs Don’t Need A Rebuild

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Let’s all take a deep breath, or twenty.

Do the the Habs stink? You bet they do. Tough to admit, especially when they are “only 3 points out of a playoff spot” but you are what your record says you are, so yes – right now, the Habs stink. How did they get to this damp and sullen place so quickly? In this blogger’s view, two solid years of poor strategic coaching, coupled with non-existent tactical coaching, questionable development of youth and inept managerial moves have crippled this team. Ownership has a good amount of stink on it as well for placing blind faith in a team that was hired to keep corrupted and brainwashed masses content.

The team was never retooled properly following the collapse and subsequent mass exodus of 2009. Jacques Martin was brought in to breathe new life in to the team, as well as to bring a level of professionalism behind the bench that had been missing for years. Surely he had a hand in selecting the players that they eventually traded for, and signed during that summer’s free agency period. Why on God’s green earth they opted for small, offensive-minded players, we will never know. Sure, they’re loveable, respectable, classy guys, which makes trying to be objective about them much more difficult, but their contributions – or lack thereof speak for themselves. The style of play that was promised by Jacques Martin was never delivered – not even close. Instead, he enforced the exact opposite style of play that would have maxed out the players’ talents.  What’s the French translation for ‘appeasement’? The ruse worked for a while…or did it? I think we can all agree that goaltending saved not just the team’s bacon, but the entire barn. Whether Carey Price since the start of last year, or Halak two seasons ago, the trip to the Conference Finals was enchanting, but it was a fairy tale. An anomaly. The road taken was unsustainable. When a game plan calls for a goaltender to stop 40-50 shots per night, and asks defensemen to block almost as many, with the desired end result being a 2-1 victory, it’s only a matter of time before the trap door that you voluntarily stood on top of opens wide. Sidney Crosby’s bewilderment at the conclusion of game 7 spoke for nearly everyone, much of Habsland included.

Last year the team had its ups and downs, eventually bowing out in the first round to the Bruins in seven games. Many saw that as some sort of accomplishment, considering the “injuries”. Yawn. News flash! there are no moral victories in the playoffs. None. There never were, and there never will be. Talk of “tomorrow’s another day” is for the regular season. The playoffs, on the other hand are merciless and not for the faint of heart. Any talk otherwise stems from apologists, exonerators and excuse makers. Pass me the barf bag. The cracks in the foundation were deep and visible, but covered up with Carey Price’s excellence. That Carey Price is even in a Habs sweater is a stroke of luck.

Fast forward to this season, and the slow slide to oblivion accelerated to avalanche speed, and not even Price’s continued fine play could stop it. Jacques Martin quickly lost the pulse of his team, which is not surprising given how he stamped out any semblance of energy and passion – what was left to measure when you don’t communicate with your players? He soon ran out of places to hide, kids to throw under the bus and people to blame other than himself by the time the axe fell. Last Saturday ended what was an infernally long tenure that really wasn’t that long at all; it just felt that way, which is a damning testament to the type of stodgy, stale, flaccid hockey that Jacques Martin had installed. It was, and still is boring, which speaks to the damage that he has done, and that Randy Cunneyworth has been tasked with fixing. Nothing is worse than failing, sleep-inducing hockey, especially when you’re one of the priciest tickets in the league. Nothing. Near the end, Jacques Martin said that it was less about entertaining the fans. Way to keep up with the times, Coach.

Now, as Randy Cunneyworth struggles to pump out the water, he seems as powerless as a nine volt battery trying to power a nuclear submarine. It isn’t his fault; he’s been set up for failure by ownership and management, and the jackals in the French media have already begun gnawing at the carcass before it has even flatlined. Dead man walking.

The result is a team in disarray, or at least the semblance of disarray. There are still some good players on this team: Cole, Pacioretty, Gionta, Plekanec, Cammalleri and Kostitsyn are all eminently capable of 25 goals each, but only one or two of those guys will hit that number…three would be stretching it. As the team spirals to 12th place and poised to sink even lower, fans are predictably calling for a tank & rebuild in the same vein as Pittsburgh, Chicago, Washington, and other teams that reaped all-star talent at the draft table by being appallingly bad for many years.

As tempting as it may be to dream of a lottery draft pick, it’s not needed for this iteration of the team. Serious tweaking? Absolutely. Blowing it up? Stop it. While this season is on the verge of being lost, (if it wasn’t lost in October) there is plenty of hope for 2012-13, provided Geoff Molson gets his priorities straight and stares down those that insist that they have a say in running the team.

Re-signing Price, Subban and Gorges are no-brainer decisions. Bringing back Andrei Kostitsyn isn’t quite a no-brainer, but it’s damn close. Unless he can fetch a king’s ransom in return, he should be retained, and quite frankly, I wouldn’t trust Gauthier to fetch that kingly ransom. Thanks to Gauthier’s panic moves designed to save his, and Jacques Martin’s job (bonjour to those who said that a healthy Campoli and Kaberle would fix all that ails the team), he has saddled the team with some contracts that are suffocating the Habs, and will continue to do so until they’re off the books. That being the case, whoever has the title of General Manager in the summer – because it won’t be Pierre Gauthier – should focus on moving Scott Gomez, Mike Cammalleri and Tomas Kaberle at all costs. Freeing up that kind of scratch and replacing it with the right pieces and coupled with the proper Coaching, will set it back on course in a hurry.

There’s no need to flush out everyone over the age of 27. No need to be voluntary doormats for years to come. No need to waste some of Carey Price’s best years. As long as pillars like Price, Subban, Pacioretty, Plekanec, Cole, Eller, Gorges and Gionta are around, there is plenty to play for, and it’s all the more reason to get things right without waving the white flag of failure.The only capitulations that should be made, if the team can’t pull out of this tailspin absolutely and immediately (meaning tonight vs Winnipeg, and no more consolation loser points), is to trade pending UFAs (except Gorges and Kostitsyn) for assets. That’s it.

The recipe, as challenging as it may be to implement, is really quite simple:

1- Get the organizational priorities straight. Winning? Or pandering & political appeasement?
2- Hire the best General Manager money can buy, language be damned.
3- Let him get the best Coach, and ask him to pretty please with a cherry on top become competent in French as quickly as possible.
4- Sign or trade for players that match the new Coach’s style and fill the team’s gaps.
5- Enjoy hockey again.

Now, if only Geoff Molson can summon the courage to stomp out the filthy agenda-driven rats in the Francophone media and political arena who have infested and warped the views of Habs fans all over Quebec, things might get moving in the right direction. These clowns have once again made the Canadiens a laughing stock, not only in hockey circles, but in global news. It’s not because “outsiders don’t understand”. It’s because it’s farcical that a segment of Quebecers carry the sense of entitlement that allows them to believe that they control the team. The legacy of the Canadiens hangs from the rafters of the Bell Center, and it was built by French AND English. The legacy doesn’t exist anywhere else. It’s a sport. You want to make a statement about your culture and language? Do it through other channels and stay out of the hockey rink. People and organizations trying to shape the Canadiens to reflect their narrow-minded, pig-headed views have no place in the business of sport.

The ball is in your court, Mr. Molson.

Limbo Champs

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As the Habs continue to fight against the current, one thing is becoming more and more clear: this team is not living up to anyone’s expectations. Not the fans’, not the media’s, who, although they didn’t peg the Habs as elite, didn’t have them as being this bad, either. Most importantly, they aren’t living up to their own expectations. We hear it repeated over and over in post game scrums and press conferences about how they we not prepared, not focused, not playing as a team. Now they’re griping about seeing the standings every day in their own locker room and not being pleased with what they see. As the writing on the wall starts to take shape, the mood in the room sounds decidedly flat and negative. A once jovial and tight locker room seems to be fraying at the edges. It’s hard to believe that they’ve turned on one another, given that their good character guys, but it’s not hard to believe that they no longer believe in the game plan that is being forced upon them.

It’s clear that the Canadiens are currently not living up to their own expectations. After all, they were the ones who came up with the “Rise Together” marketing campaign. What, exactly were they implying by that? Rise to where, exactly? To 8th place? 6th place? After a 2010-2011 year in which the Canadiens showed great promise, fueled by Price, Subban and Pacioretty, the team’s Marketing department may have made their first misstep in actually trying to RAISE the bar for once. They finished 6th last year, and, as the refrain goes, if they had Markov, Gorges and Pacioretty all year, they could have done better. So I assume they had higher targets this year.

Oops!

You might tell me that injuries have derailed the best laid plans, but I think that’s nothing but a lazy, old and tired excuse. Markov has been out for so long that he should no longer be factored in to the team’s plans or fortunes until he’s back in the lineup. Same goes for Campoli, a wildcard player left on the free agent scrap heap until late September. Surely, such saviours don’t rot on the scrap heap do they? The only thing we can say is that we don’t know how he would have fit in to this roster. Maybe he would have helped, maybe not. Scott Gomez, another big name and cap hit on the shelf wasn’t producing and was a drag on the team, so don’t tell me about him. You can spin the injury argument all you like, but the Penguins hummed along without Crosby, Malkin and Staal for long stretches so save the injury excuse for the apologist round table discussions. Mismanagement of resources, weak bench management, puzzling choices, lack of coach-to-player communication, motivation, outdated and ill-fitting systems, unprepared (and yes, underachieving) players are the real problems of the team. Many of these can be fixed by putting a Coach in place that puts talent in position to succeed, armed with a game plan that matches their skill sets. That hasn’t happened for much of the last 2+ seasons.

Ask yourself this: What other organization can steeply raise prices across the board and deliver such an average product? Even worse than losing is that they’ve become BORING. From the General Manager, to the Coach and now finally tricked down to the ice, the team is void of flair, personality and FUN. That’s perhaps the biggest knock against the brand of hockey that the Jacques Martin era will be known for. Montreal is a city teeming with flair, fun and personality, and given how tightly woven the Habs are in the fabric of the city, their current state is a loose thread on the tapestry. Yet legions of people are willing to accept it? I understand “accepting it because you’re virtually powerless to change it” (you’re not, by the way), but I cannot comprehend anybody “accepting it because you think it’s good enough”. By the way, the Canadiens have played many poor games this year, and currently have the worst home record in the league. Some reward for those people who scramble to find ways, despite the rapidly escalating prices, to go to the Bell Center and buy up all things Canadiens.

Rise Together? I guess if you’re at the bottom, then there’s nowhere to go but up, right? Maybe this has been the plan all along.

Yet as team owner Geoff Molson stands pat, offering his support for the General Manager, Head Coach, and Gomez alike, it seems all too clear that profits are a higher priority for the powers that be than winning is. This should come as no surprise. All outward appearances seem to indicate that making the playoffs and reaping pure profit from a couple home games is the goal. They tell us that the Cup is the goal, but as we all know, actions speak louder than words. In my last post, I’ve clearly showed that winning the Cup is a matter of home ice advantage. Without it, chances of glory are slim, yet that doesn’t stop pie-eyed optimists from believing that “anything is possible”. I don’t hold that belief against anybody, because anything is possible if you want to get in to semantics, but with just one of the last 34 Cup finalists winning it all (that’s 3%) without entering the playoffs with home ice advantage, I tend to put my stock in the overwhelming stat that has been proven over a long period of time.

And so we’ve become very good at limbo, because we happily bend over backwards to make time for this team, spend money on it and invest our hopes in it. What a pity.

Sadly, the Canadiens, through spin, media mouthpieces, marketing and PR have successfully lowered the bar to the point where making the playoffs is seen as some great accomplishment, and as a result, fans now believe that an upset or two (and even near-upsets) are highwater benchmarks of success.

Many of us know better. Unfortunately, it seems that not enough do.That, my friends, is the magic of good marketing.

A Tangled Weber

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I’ll admit up front that the larger point of this blog entry was to see if I remembered my login details for my own website (mission accomplished!).

Now that I’m safely logged in, I just want to get something out of the way, and hopefully won’t take up too much of your time.

Every year around this time, we Habs fans sit around the campfire and look for the shiniest object with which we can adorn our team with. This year, many Habs fans have set their sights on Norris Trophy finalist Shea Weber. Now don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have a guy like Weber in the lineup, even at the hefty price tag he’s sure to command. But (there’s always a but, isn’t there?) there’s a heavy cost to snatching a guy of Weber’s caliber away from the Predators over and above his nasty cap hit.

Most Habs fans simply assume that tossing an RFA offer sheet at Weber, and forcing Nashville – a team with its own internal budget that is surely far lower than the Canadiens – to match the Habs rich offer or surrender his services. Let’s all do the happy dance, right?

You see, there’s a reason why pilfering RFAs from other teams is a rarely used method of player acquisition. On one hand, it’s the NHL equivalent of M.A.D – mutually assured destruction. You want my RFA? I’m taking yours. And the spiraling costs will simply lead to another work stoppage. Just ask Kevin Lowe if he wants a mulligan on the Dustin Penner acquisition, or ask Buffalo how they feel about having to match Lowe’s ludicrous offer to Thomas Vanek. On the other hand, I believe that what goes around, comes around. If the Habs want to swipe Shea Weber, somebody will be all too eager to take a stab at acquiring PK Subban, Carey Price, Lars Eller, or Max Pacioretty in the very near future. Given the heavy contracts the Canadiens are already saddled with, you can safely bet that at least one of those players would be plying their trade elsewhere. Also, in the ultimate safeguard against making RFA pitches for all-star talent, there’s the little issue of compensation to the other team after they fail to match the courting team’s offer.

If you want to sign an RFA, then depending on the annual cap hit they bring them, you have to give up the following assets to the other team:

Salary Amount Compensation
$994,433 or less None
Over $994,433 to $1,506,716 3rd round pick
Over $1,506,716 to $3,013,434 2nd round pick
Over $3,013,434 to $4,520,150 1st and 3rd round pick
Over $4,520,150 to $6,026,867 1st, 2nd, and 3rd round pick
Over $6,026,867 to $7,533,584 Two 1st’s, one 2nd, one 3rd round pick
Over $7,533,584 Four 1st round picks

Now we can safely assume that Shea Weber will fall somewhere between the last two brackets. The Canadiens already fairly thin on the farm, with little prime talent on the horizon. Dropping more high-end picks would be nothing more than a short-term payoff with a suicidal ending. Moreover, when you factor in that Montreal typically has to overpay free agents to compensate for the fishbowl, taxes, politics, (take your pick), it’s also reasonable to believe that Shea Weber would fetch over 7.533 million per season, thus forcing the Habs to kick back four first round picks to Nashville.

Read that again.

Four.

First.

Round.

Picks.

Gone.

Sure, Gauthier could always try to recoup those lost picks in other ways, but you’ve got to ask yourself if the high cap hit and lost assets would be worth acquiring one defenseman. And as a final killshot to this fantasy, let’s remember that the collective bargaining agreement is up at the end of next season, and is sure to have ramifications on how teams dole out contracts over the next year or so. It would be similarly stupid for Gauthier to saddle himself with another fat contract while ridding himself of prime assets.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

In the meantime, I’m going to write down my username and password for safe keeping.

Bouncing Back

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It seems as though there’s no obstacle too big for this undersized Habs team. Dating back to last year’s amazing playoff run, and after suffering through a staggering amount of injuries to key players this year, you’d think the Habs would eventually run out of magic. But they continue to not only hang around in games, they continue to win at a very high clip. At some point, it stops being magic, and starts becoming identity. While we wouldn’t want to tempt fate and see what happens if Price were to be injured, or if Subban were felled, considering how they manage to find ways to win, you wonder just how far they’d fall, or if they’d fall at all.

Without Plekanec, Halpern, Gill, and a litany of others in the infirmary, Habs nation couldn’t be blamed if they thought the end was nigh after Friday’s drubbing at the hands of the Rangers. Nobody looked good in that match, including Habs (and perhaps league) MVP Carey Price. All we fans could do is shrug in resignation…what else could the Habs have done? Sure, injuries and fatigue are no excuse in today’s NHL, but at some point, you need to call a spade a spade, right? The Habs have relied so heavily on the Bulldogs organization to keep filling the roster that Hamilton is now in danger of sliding out of the playoff picture, where once they were gliding along comfortably. When does the camel’s back break? Apparently not any time soon. Fast forward 48 hours, and the Habs would take the same team that was trounced in New York and proceed to hang 8 goals around the Wild’s neck. Go figure.

The Habs keep coming. They fill holes, and when they fall behind they don’t quit. They rebound from losses very quickly. All of this speaks to the character, guts and yes, coaching of the team. Guys like Gionta, Gill, Hamrlik, Kostitsyn and many others keep the team aloft while Price provides Hart-trophy-caliber goaltending. Meanwhile, behind the Habs bench, a frequent target of my ire has to be given much credit. Jacques Martin may not be the type of coach that makes a good team great, but he is the type of coach that can make a depleted team competitive, and keep them that way over the course of a long season. You can read more on that by Steve here. While my frustration with Martin has been that his strict system prevents his team from maximizing their skills, one has to wonder what happens when a progressive, aggressive coach loses the lynchpins of his team. Mike Babcock and Dan Bylsma immediately spring to mind as guys who thrive in almost any scenario, but there are only so many Babcocks and Bylsmas out there, and that’s precisely the reason why Pittsburgh extended this Jack Adams candidate (and winner in this blogger’s opinion) for another 3 seasons. Nevertheless, the Canadiens have a good teacher in Jacques Martin, which is a good consolation at a time like this. With any luck, he’s also in the middle of shedding the dubious mantle of being a guy who doesn’t develop youth properly. Looking up and down the Habs roster, it doesn’t take a genius to see that the kids are contributing more than their fair share to the Canadiens’ recent success. Pacioretty, Eller, Subban, Desharnais, Weber and now White are all contributing to the Habs success in a big way on a nightly basis. If Martin is going to get the flames when he bungles youth management, he needs to be praised when they play well.

Martin may not be the guy with the intangibles of creativity, and adaptability that are so essential in the playoffs, but if not for his dull, boring system, the Canadiens are likely not where they are today. While Price’s spectacular play is far and away the biggest reason why the Habs are 1 point behind the Bruins with 10 games to go, “the system” is the second reason. I’m ready for an appetizer of crow, as I’ve spent a lot of time hammering Martin over the past two seasons. Results count in this league. Everyone is accountable for their results, and people should be praised and reprimanded appropriately. He’s still not “my guy”, and I would still like to see him replaced with a more progressive coach before his 4 year contract expires, but for now, the Canadiens are winning and that shouldn’t be tampered with. Should the Canadiens repeat last season’s playoff success, I’ll be ready for the main course of crow.

There’s a lot to like about this Habs team. An awful lot. While fans of other teams may not see it that way, and may accuse the Habs of being a team that relies on underhanded stick work to defend themselves instead of doing things the “honourable way”, we know better. The Canadiens were a soft, easy team to play against for too long. Opposing teams used to love coming to Montreal to play. The atmosphere was great, and quite often the visitors left with 2 points in the bank and basked in Montreal’s nightlife afterwards. We don’t hear that as much any more. Now the Habs are developing some top-end skill, they have elite goaltending, and they’re becoming difficult to play against. This may irritate other teams and their fans who had become accustomed to seeing the Habs retreat in the face of adversity, but what this tells me is that the Canadiens are very much heading in the right direction.

Now, if only the Alaskan Albatross would get his act together.

Habs Aren’t an Elite Team. Yet

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Is it possible for the Canadiens to go nearly wire-to-wire in first place in their division? They finished October in first. They finished November in first. We’re less than a week before Christmas and they’re still in first. Does winning your division really make you an elite team? I’ll bet many rabid Habs fans are ready to jump up  and say “YES!”, of course it does. The answer, in fact, is no, winning your division does automatically make you an elite team. One need only look at the NFL and MLB to see that teams that struggle to win more than they lose make the playoffs every year. Within the Canadiens relatively weak division, the Bruins are the only team that can overtake the Canadiens at this point, being only two points back with two games in hand. The Senators, Leafs and Sabres are all in various states of disrepair and pose little risk to the Northeast Division crown.

The Canadiens, at worst, are a good team. On some nights they’re a very good team. But we’d be getting ahead of ourselves to call them an elite team today. Yes, they may be in that conversation when it comes to points earned, but realistically the Canadiens can’t be held in the same regard as the Detroits, and Philadelphias of the league. Not just yet, anyway. Despite their relatively similar records, teams like the Wings and Flyers have competence, experience and moxy that the Canadiens do not.

The Habs have yet to come from behind this season when trailing after the first or second period. That was ok, since they hadn’t lost when scoring first, either, until recently when they’ve lost a handful a games wherein they did score that all-important first goal.

I know what many of you are going to say. The Canadiens have beaten Philly once already this year – shut them out even, as well as beaten the Penguins, Sharks, Bruins (twice) and shut out the Canucks. Verifiable facts, all of them. But I also submit that they’ve lost games to the Leafs (twice), Devils (by shutout), Nashville (at home, also by shutout), and Blue Jackets (surprise – by shutout!). Elite teams don’t make such blunders as often as the Canadiens do. I’m not suggesting that those teams are all doormats, but you can’t tell me that dropping decisions in the manner that the Canadiens did is normal for an elite team. The Canadiens have also lost games in which they looked utterly unprepared and disinterested: a 3-0 loss in Atlanta tops that list, followed closely by a lacklustre 3-1 loss at home to Florida. Sure, every team goofs now and then during an 82-game schedule, but our Habs seem to relish in making lives harder than they need to.

To be sure, the Canadiens ought to be thankful that they play in the softest division in the league. Taking a quick look around the NHL, we see that the Habs home – the Northeast division has 3 teams that are currently below .500, even with the charity point for failure in effect. The Atlantic division has 2 dismal teams, and the Southeast has one team below the .500, and even they (the Panthers) were able to march in to the Bell Center and walk out with a 3-1 win. In stark contrast, the entire Western conference has just two teams below .500, and both reside in Alberta (and, perhaps not shockingly, the Oilers also waltzed out of Montreal with an overtime victory).

But the news is positive: the Canadiens are still playing better hockey this season than they were at any point last season. Scoring has been balanced, even strength play is better, the power play is improving, even without Markov, the penalty kill remains strong and most of all, Carey Price is keeping himself in the conversation of the league’s best goalies to date. The components to being among the elite teams in the league are nearly in place. With the addition of Max “the Patch” Pacioretty to the second line, the Canadiens finally appear to have two dangerous scoring lines, albeit a long term injury to any of the forwards, especially Plekanec would be crippling, not only because of all the great things Plekanec does, but because losing him means losing Andrei Kostitsyn as well. (Sidebar: If you’ve spent any time at all on twitter during a Habs game, you’ve no doubt seen the dozens of tweets demanding that Andrei Kostitsyn NEVER be separated from Plekanec. If that’s the case, then no doubt the loss of Plekanec essentially destroys the Habs’ top scoring line because we’ve all but admitted that Kostitsyn becomes useless when not paired with Plekanec.)

There is depth among the bottom-six forwards along with a dash of talent. Jeff Halpern, Mathieu Darche, Benoit Pouliot, Tom Pyatt, Travis Moen, Max Lapierre and Lars Eller have brought some grit and offense to the lineup. Should one or two of them fall, there are replacements in Hamilton that can step in; Ryan White, Dustin Boyd, and Ben Maxwell come to mind and are all available for spot duty in Montreal if needed.

On the blue line is where the trouble lies, especially under Jacques Martin’s defensive system. With no hope of seeing Markov back any time soon, his workload has been dished out among those who can no longer offer those services for prolonged periods (Hamrlik & Spacek), those who never could offer it (Gill, Gorges & Picard) and those who are simply unprepared to shoulder the load, and overwhelmed by the spotlight (Subban). We should admire the work this group has done thus far, for we all know the Canadiens record sans Markov. That the team hasn’t bottomed out already should be seen as a small victory!

But this is where Pierre Gauthier needs to act. He now has cap room a plenty thanks to Markov’s injury, and it’s becoming more and more obvious where his team’s needs are. He needs another defenseman that can eat 20+ minutes per game and bring physicality to the rink. A stabilizing presence for Subban should also be among the criteria for a new defenseman.

Whatever acquisition Gauthier has his eyes on, it will cost him and he will need to be prudent not to give up too much. The better his team does, the better position they place him in to negotiate a trade because rival GMs will not view Gauthier as a desperate man in need of aid. He’s in the tenuous position of having to decide whether he thinks his team is one piece away from true Cup contention, or if he’s a couple of ingredients shy of the mark. This being Montreal, and expectations being what they always are, Gauthier will probably do something.

Though the Canadiens are close to being among the league’s best teams, they aren’t there yet. As Subban hopefully improves and plays more reliably over the next 50 games (note to Jacques Martin: please separate Picard and Subban!), and if Pacioretty can really be the missing ingredient that produces two stable scoring lines, then the guesswork is all but finished. The roadmap to success becomes clear for the team’s brass, and that’s surely a sign of an elite team.

What’s your take?

If the Habs Were Cars

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I figured it was time for another fun blog post. I’ve been waaaaaay off my game lately and wanted to throw something together based on nothing but total pointlessness. Oddly enough, it’s these types of posts that generate the most amount of discussion because it gives everyone the chance to also let down their hair and throw things at the wall. I decided to use a bit of discipline and restraint with this, because as Habs fans, we are notorious for over-valuing the players we have. So I’ve intentionally avoided exotic cars like Porsche, and Ferrari and supercars, like the Audi R8 and Lamborghini Gallardo. It would be too tempting, and ultimately too boring to assign everyone on the team we love such a distinguished ride.
So here goes nothing….your Habs, if they were your cars:
 
Tomas Plekanec – 2011 Hyundai Sonata 2.0T I know what you’re thinking, “You’re starting this thing off with a Hyunday? Eff this, I’m out!” Hang on, it gets better! The new Sonata rates up there with BMW 5-series and looks like a Mercedes, but it flies under the radar of recognition because it’s a Hyundai. That’s wrong, but for Habs fans, it’s so SO right!
 
Andrei Kostitsyn – Jeep Rubicon. Tough like a tank and elegant in its simple, boxy design, the Jeep Rubicon is unstoppable with a motivated driver behind the wheel. In other words, when AK46 is on, nothing can stop him.
 
Mike Cammalleri – Nissan 370Z. This car cooks! A top of the line roadster that’s speedy, sharp looking and everyone wants one.
 
Scott Gomez – Chrysler 300M. It’s a nice looking car, is really comfortable and cruises very nicely. But ultimately, this thing is overpriced.
 
Brian Gionta – Mini Clubman. It’s essentially a miniature BMW. What else do you want?
 
Lars Eller – Chevy Volt. This electric/hybrid’s best days are still ahead of it. Its role is not quite defined, just as Eller is victim to Martin’s confounding ways. It’s the future, Jacques – get used to it!
 
Benoit Pouliot – Base model Chevy Camaro. I’m speaking from experience on this one. Lots of blind spots, takes a ton of energy to get it up to speed, but it looks and feels great once it’s moving. Pouliot should have been an SS model by now, but it appears as though we’ll never see that upgrade. Still, this is a vast step up from the Jimmy Olsen ranking he got in my “If Habs Were Superheroes” post from May.
 
Mathieu Darche – Toyota Camry. Useful but unremarkable car. Those that have one love it, but always longing for another Cammalleri.
 
Jeff Halpern – Honda Ridgeline. Surprisingly versatile and underappreciated.
 
Maxim Lapierre – Honda Civic SI. One that’s been modified by a 20 year old that wears Ed Hardy clothes and wears his hat sideways.
 
Travis Moen – Ford F150 King Ranch Edition – solid, solid, solid.
 
Tom Pyatt – The newly relaunched Ford Fiesta. Terrific reviews, spunky, quick and peppy…but ultimately not the car you want when you need performance.
 
Andrei Markov - Cadillac CTS Coupe. This is a sweet, sweet ride that does everything well. Made by one of the classic automakers, it fits Markov’s prestigious role within the Habs organization well.
 
Josh Gorges – Jeep Grand Cherokee. A classy, yet tough as nails ride that suits this Habs iron man to a tee. He never misses a game and was probably on the short list for the captaincy. The only place left for him to go is to the SRT8 model. That’ll be tough though.
 
Hal Gill – 18 wheeler. Plods along in a straight line, takes an hour to make a turn and can block entire lanes of traffic. Ask the Capitals. Or the Penguins.
 
PK Subban – Chevy Corvette. Unbridled speed and power. This car just begs to be turned loose, but if you’re not careful, the rear wheel drive will throw you out of control. It’s a thrill to watch when it’s under control. Otherwise you’re just waiting for the inevitable crash. And nobody likes seeing a smashed up Corvette. Or a shackled one either.
 
Roman Hamrlik – A Buick Regal. But an old one, not a new one…because the new ones are actually pretty awesome. Everyone knows that a Buick is a poor man’s Cadillac, and we all remember the admirable job that Hamrlik did filling in for Markov…last year. Once upon a time this car was a luxurious ride with a beefy engine, but that was a long time ago. Age erodes everything.
 
Jaroslav Spacek – Milk truck - delivers the goods once a week for a brief minute or two. That’s it.
Ryan O’Byrne and Alex Picard – Dodge Journey. Strictly utilitarian vehicles despite the attempts to give them style. They’re probably not long for this world. It’s a vehicle that just won’t stand the test of time, likely due to lack of development and poor product positioning.
 
Carey Price – 2011 Ford Taurus SHO. The old Taurus model was tired, boring, underwhelming and had lost its way by the time it was “reinvented” using the same Ford Five Hundred that got nowhere. Reborn and reinvigorated, the new Taurus the is probably the coolest looking sedan on the road and has the guts to back up its new look.
Ok, that’s it. Fun’s over. Now it’s your turn. What car would you have assigned to the Habs players?

Unleash the Habs!

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So there’s a fun game doing the rounds on who we think the Habs will keep with the big club. I’m game.

I won’t mince words…work is quite busy these days, so here goes nothing, my 12 forward, and 2 press box occupants:

1st line:

LW: Andrei Kostitsyn
C: Tomas Plekanec
RW: Michael Cammalleri

A bit of a no-brainer, methinks. Jacques Martin is typically a predictable character so I see him grouping these 3 fellows together to start the year. The only difference that could take place would be seeing Kostitsyn with Gionta and Gomez. I like this group, and would stick with it. Plekanec and Cammalleri have obvious chemistry and Kostitsyn, as always, is a great big X factor. He can hamper the line or make it one the league’s best.

2nd line:

LW: Benoit Pouliot
C: Scott Gomez
RW: Brian Gionta

As much as I don’t like Pouliot for his lack of effort, I truly think that a kid with his potential deserves every chance to realize it, especially when given a raise for no reason. I’ll generously give him 20-30 games or so to prove that he’s 100% committed to doing what he needs to do to win, otherwise, ta-ta, Benny.

3rd line:

LW: Travis Moen
C: Lars Eller
RW: Maxim Lapierre

3 big boys that do a bit of everything…I think that they could be as important as either of the first 2 lines if they stay healthy.

4th line:

LW: Ryan White
C: Jeff Halpern
RW: Tom Pyatt

This could be one of the most tenacious lines we’ve seen in Montreal in a long time, especially if White can crack the lineup and play the way he has in the preseason. If Halpern can win faceoffs and the Canadiens can maintain puck possession while these guys are on the ice, they’ll drive opponents crazy, and render them dog tired, too.

Press box: Mathieu Darche, Dustin Boyd

Many have slagged the signing of Mathieu Darche, but I like it. I think a guy like him, with the brains and maturity that he brings to the locker room can rub off quite well on some of the younger guys. He’s worth having around, even if he isn’t the greatest or quickest player on the team. He’ll be a model citizen and show young players how to be a consummate team guy. Dustin Boyd just hasn’t done enough to earn himself a spot in the starting 12 to begin the year. I expect he’ll get his chance before long and push guys like White and Pyatt for ice time.

2010-2011 Habs Checklist

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At the risk of sounding like a pariah and being exiled, I’m going to confess something:

I’m having trouble getting psyched for the 2010-2011 season.

“What???? After the roller coaster playoff ride, after all that emotion and excitement you’re having trouble getting psyched for the new season? What’s wrong with you????”

It’s true, yet I can’t explain it. Maybe I just don’t want summer to end. Whatever the reason, I don’t feel ready to start up again. I’m sure that will change in the next 3 weeks as it always does, but that doesn’t help me now. So I tried to come up with a list of things to look forward to this season. The trouble is, for every item I came up with to populate that list, I thought of one reason to beware the upcoming season, and I didn’t even include Mario Tremblay’s return to the list.

I ask you, dear readers to help me tip the scales.

Things to look forward to this season:

1- A new captain
If only to put this over-flogged debate behind us. A lot of folks were upset that the Habs bucked tradition last season and left the ‘C’ on the trainer’s table instead of someone’s chest. Then the team went to the conference finals for the first time since ’93. Take that! The only reason I’m looking forward to a captain being named is so that we can stop talking about the lack of one. That is until we get to this point.

2- Carey Price proving his naysayers wrong
People don’t magically forget or lose what made them great. Price has been successful everywhere he’s been, and since January 2009 hasn’t quite lived up to expectations. If you listened to the radio or read some newspapers, you’d think Price was just about the worst goalie on the planet since Andre Racicot. The truth is he’s been no worse than average. This season he’ll get his chance to shut everyone up once and for all.

3- One season closer to the end of Jacques Martin’s contract
One down, three to go…hopefully a little less. He’s still not the right guy for this job and nobody can convince me of that. No, I don’t think their conference final appearance is evidence of him doing anything right. Superhuman performances got the Canadiens as far as they did, not Martin’s archaic, suicidal style of play.

4- The return of Saku Koivu to Montreal (January 22)
He didn’t get the appreciation or send-off he deserves, and on January 22nd, he’ll get it. I doubt it will rival his ovation from when he returned from cancer, but it will be the most applause an opposing player will get since Guy Lafleur scored a goal as a member of the Nordiques at old Forum.

5- A full season of P.K. Subban
We got to see him in the playoffs, and he’s just what the Habs’ aging defense needs; speed, flair, mobility, skill and enthusiasm. Be forewarned: he will make many boneheaded rookie mistakes, and his wild stallion style will get him in trouble with his ultra-conservative coach from time-to-time. But he’s a star in the making and Habs fans would do well to let him develop at his own pace instead of expecting him to have the Hart, Art, Calder and Norris trophies locked up by the all-star break.

6- No more excuses
New team, new coach, new management, new philosophy…new excuses. Whether it was “lack of chemistry”, “injuries”, goalie controversies, there was no shortage of things to blame on the team’s failings. Well now the guys know each other, there’s no more goalie controvery to be had, and if injuries take a back seat this year, we’ll get a clear view of who’s doing their job and who isn’t. Aside from Eller and Subban, the team is filled by veterans of varying tenures. The time of talking about “potential” is over. Do what’s expected of you, or go somewhere else. Simple.

7- Heritage Classic 2.0 (February 20)
I’m not entirely sure why I put this on the list, but I guess if anything it gives fans reasons to get together to take in a bit of a special event.

8- Carey Price vs Jaroslav Halak (March 10)
In a game that’s sure to have fans buzzing for days, if not weeks in advance, Halak will face his former mates, and Price will face his former partner. Both goalies will desperately want to win this game, and given how sparks flew last winter when the Blues were in town, this game may have an additional sprinkle of built-in hate to an otherwise meaningless out-of-conference game.

Things to beware:

1- People intent on shoving Jaroslav Halak’s stats down our throats
I’ve said it many times, and at least one silly fan has publicly admitted it: some fans would rather see the Canadiens fail than watch Price outshine Halak. I can’t get my head around this one. But make no mistake, all season long there will be useless comparisons between Price’s stats, and Halak’s. It’ll be one of those merry-go-round arguments where if Halak’s play slips those who are still crying over his departure will say it isbecause he’s facing the Hawks and Wings on a regular basis. My point is, there’s no point in comparing the two anymore. They’re in different conferences, with different teams, playing in different systems now. The comparison no longer matters or holds any relevance.

2- Captain must speak french debate
We’ll get this one out of the way relatively quickly, as the captain will be announced in the next 3 weeks. But unless Max Lapierre, Benoit Pouliot or Mathieu Darche are named captain, look for some misguided, desperate for something media hounds to beat this dead horse. Again. We can only hope that when the announcement is made that Martin and Gauthier pre-empt the media and tell them to stuff it. The captain is the liaison between the coaching staff and players, and represents the team’s cause in on-ice disputes. If someone tells you the captain’s job is to work with the media, he’s brainwashed. Or a member of the media.

3- The home opener zoo-fest
It had to be the Lightning, didn’t it? After couldabeen-shouldabeen GM Yzerman spent his summer raiding the Canadiens organization, Boucher & friends, Vinny, Marty and Simon Gagne roll in to the Bell Centre to kick off festivities. Which team will garner the bigger cheers from the ticket-paying public? The home boys, you say. Who are the home boys?

4- People blaming every single goal against, and loss on Carey Price
Last season, Price could do no right. A lot of fans would have you think Price could have stopped 100% of the shots he faced if he would just stop smoking 10 cigarettes at a time and focused a little harder. A lot of those fans also say they just want their goalie “to win games”. Whatever that means. This line of reasoning fails to take in to account that hockey is a team game and Price can stop all the shots he wants, but if the team doesn’t score goals, Price’s record will be awful again. As a side note, I’ll bet the same people who want their goalie to “just win games” were whipped in to a lather when the Price-for-Luongo rumours sprouted up, urging with all their jedi mind trickiness that Gauthier pull the trigger.

5- People absolving Price of any responsibility at all when he gives up a stinker
Last season, Price could do no wrong. Perhaps the fervent defense of Price’s play was in response to those who repeatedly took an excessive amount of shots at him for no good reason. The reality is he wasn’t terrible. He wasn’t even bad. He was average; nothing more, nothing less. For a team that relies on goaltending as much as the Canadiens do, Price will always be under pressure to perform well. Many nights, he’ll do just that, and on some nights, he’ll hurt his own cause. Let’s just call a spade a spade this year instead of trying to pin a goal against on a guy who was a fraction of a second back checking. Price will give up bad goals here and there, and the Canadiens will probably lose a game or two as a result. And that’s ok.

6- Jacques Martin post-game press conferences snoozefests
The Canadiens should be eco-friendly and save the electricity. When the game ends, let the reporters enter the room, then call it a night. After 82 games last year, there was very little variation in a Jacques Martin post-game presser, win or lose. Part of the reason why he was hired was to handle the rabid media. If there’s one part of his job that he does well, it’s this. He never gives anything quote worthy, and never provides any additional insight beyond what we can see for ourselves.

7- “Say nothing” Pierre Gauthier press conferences
If you heard Gauthier’s press conference at the start of rookie training camp, you couldn’t help but be impressed with how someone can speak for 45 minutes and yet not really answer any questions or provide any more information than what we already knew. Deflection isn’t just a skill for guys in the slot. This guy rules the roost when it comes to talking without saying anything.

8- The fervor that will swirl around Markov’s contract status
The longer it takes to get a deal done, the more this will become a daily question. Markov is such a critical piece of the team’s fortunes that the thought of losing him is too much for some to handle. If Gauthier intends to wait until the end of the season to talk, a lot of fans are going to lose their voice, their hair and their sanity.

What else can you add to either list?

If the Habs Were Superheroes

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The post-mortems are gushing like a BP drilling venture gone awry, but all Habs fans agree on one thing: Collectively, these guys played unbelievable hockey in the post-season and gave us reason to be proud and hopeful once again. People were alluding to the Habs as superheroes. @Habslaughs said “If Josh Gorges was a superhero he would be Josh Gorges“. That got me thinking: if I were to compare all the Habs that saw significant playoff action to superheroes, who would they be?

Needless to say, as a huge Habs fan, and a pretty big nerd as well (To me, the question of who replaces Megan Fox in Transformers 3 is as important as the Price vs Halak debate, or whether or not Plekanec should be resigned to a long term deal. Ok, not that tough, but it’s close. By the way, she is replacing Megan Fox. You’re welcome.), this was a question that dogged me for days. This required deep thought and attention, as I would hate to insult the Habs, or the legendary characters they’ll be portraying. I struggled with many of them. I really did.

I purposely didn’t compare Carey Price, Sergei Kostitsyn or Ben Maxwell, as they simply didn’t get enough playoff action to merit a decent comparison. They probably wouldn’t be all that flattering anyway. If you want me to compare them, let me know in the comments below.


Brian Gionta – Wolverine. Like his fictional counterpart, Gionta is short, fierce, unbreakable, efficient and the guy everyone looks to to get the job done. Goes to the worst, most dangerous places to earn success.

Scott Gomez – Captain America. Despite being through wars, he remains durable, dependable and a huge piece of any team’s leadership. Some call him overrated since he was frozen for years (for Gomez’ comparable, think about his time in New York), but when you get right down to it, both Cap and Gomer are always in this thick of things.

Mike Cammalleri – Spider Man. Smart. Utterly quotable, small in stature, but spectacular and amazing. Get it?

Tomas Plekanec – Superman. Not the gigantic, stronger-than-a-locomotive comic book version, but more like the Smallville version. Did everything for the Habs, and did it well. His kryptonite? The playoffs. Ouch (ok, that was a bit uncalled for, but it sorta fits and you know it!)

Dominic Moore – Batman. Yeah, it’s hard to think of Batman as a 3rd liner, but it’s true. Moore has no superpowers, but has a bunch of tricks up his sleeve. Ask Varlamov and Fleury. For the record, I don’t think of Moore as the bad-ass Christian Bale Batman, but more like the guy who wears the blue undies over the grey body suit.

Glen Metropolit – Green Arrow. Did you see Glen go four-for-four at the Habs skills competition? They’re both excellent marksmen but when the going gets tough, you look to the guys with real powers to get it done.

Maxim Lapierre – Banshee. His only superpower is his non-stop, loud mouth. Still, he can fly, and Max is a great skater. Banshee still made the cut with the X-Men, so while he’s not the coolest of all time, just being on the team is meaningful. Shutting his mouth would render him useless.

Benoit Pouliot – Jimmy Olsen. Sorry, Benny. You are no hero and get this designation simply because you managed to hang around for 18 games and thus I had to find someone to compare you to. Olsen photographs for a living. You spectate. Same thing. Even though Olsen has no powers, he at least cares for his friends that do, and they let him hang around as a result. Nobody likes you, Benoit.

Andrei Kostitsyn – Iron Man. Great to watch when engaged and powered up. Can single-handedly win battles with his powers. But when the heart fizzles out, so does his usefulness. Much is written about Tony Stark’s nightlife which, coincidentally…oh nevermind.

Tom Pyatt – YellowJacket. Regular guy, but plays much bigger than he is when the going gets rough. Kinda lame as far as heroes go, but underrated at the same time.

Travis Moen – Sasquatch. Both hail from Western Canada. Both have spent time in Montreal. Both have superhuman strength, endurance and durability. I defy you to find a better comparison.

Mathieu Darche – Reed Richards. Smart, and probably lucky to be considered a hero at all. Provides guidance and is a shining example for guys like the Human Torch. Incidentally, Darche served as a nice example to follow for Subban and Pyatt in Hamilton.

Andrei Markov – The Silver Surfer. Quiet, smooth and has all-universe ability. As one of the universe’s most powerful beings, he massively impacts the outcome of any fight, but too often is in outer space doing his thing. In Markov’s case, space = injured. Not “out in space” as in “not paying attention” or “not giving a hoot”. Almost had you, didn’t I?

PK Subban – Human Torch. Fast, hot, highly sought after and totally reckless, but one of the most fun guys to watch and listen to. Needs time and discipline to be among the greats. Hopefully learned much prolonged exposure to Reed Richards.

Roman Hamrlik – Green Lantern. Also a veteran of many wars, GL has been there, done that, without much acclaim. Sometimes his ring loses power, and without his ring he’s useless. But with the ring, he has strange alien powers that enable him to temporarily fill in for the Silver Surfer. At least in my universe he does.

Jaroslav Spacek – Daredevil. Blind as a bat, which explains why Spacek couldn’t hit the net all season long. Despite his shortcomings, he hangs around and rises up to help his team when they need him most. With a meagre 4 goals all year, it’s funny that one of his enemies is named “Bullseye“.

Hal Gill - Archangel. With a wingspan like that, who else could he be?

Josh Gorges – Aquaman. Not the orange-sequined doofus, but the revamped, muscle-bound, take-no-prisoners monster from the Justice League. If you saw the Justice League cartoon, you’d be blown away by this guy. Sure he swims with tasty fish, but the guy cut his own arm off to save his family. Then he showed up with a sword where his arm used to be and finished the fight. Oh, and he’s a king, and Gorges could easily be the Habs captain. See the parallel?

Ryan O’Byrne – Colossus. Big and strong, he probably should be involved more often, but prone to defeat when Magneto (see below) is near. And that damn Magneto is always near.

Jaroslav Halak – Nightcrawler. Quiet. Reclusive. European. Nightcrawler is always beneath the radar and rarely mentioned in the same breath as the Spider-Men and Wolverines of the world, but check out this clip from X-Men 2. Then imagine the hapless C.I.A. guys as the Penguins and Capitals, and watch as Nightcrawler picks them apart one by one. Yes, Nightcrawler kicks all kinds of ass, as the Capitals and Penguins may attest.

Jacques Martin – Magneto. Old. Smart. Loses more than he wins despite having control of good teams. Wears a helmet that repels the telepathic Charles Xavier from influencing his crazy thoughts. Similarly, Martin has an impenetrable helmet of hair that repels thoughts of common sense, reason, and logic. Uses his powers of magnetism to bond Colossus to the bench. Damn him.

Kirk Muller – Nick Fury. Impressive resume, has everyone’s respect for what he’s done, and how he continues to lead. Probably the real leader that the team looks to, even though he’s under Magneto’s shadow.

Perry Pearn – Doctor Strange. Nobody knows why he’s there, or what he does. Probably the least cool superhero of all time, but has been around forever so he must be doing something right, but I don’t know what it is. Matching facial hair helps the comparison.

There you have it. Days of painstaking thought and analysis. Comics and hockey. This is where Kyle’s brain asplodes.

What do you think? Did I botch any of these?


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